We're celebrating Christmas this year on the 31st. (It just isn't Christmas without Daddy, and he had to work last weekend!)
The kids are on countdown. They spent the day cleaning..I want it clean on Christmas. It will be a nice, relaxing day at home, Lord willing. We'll start with reading the Bible and saying a prayer to 'open our day'...then we'll give the children their gifts. I'll cook up a big breakfast of sausage links, bacon..and I even bought pancake mix. (I NEVER buy pancake mix...always make it from scratch) Gabe can make monster pancakes. With orange juice, coffee and maybe cinnamon rolls.
The kids can enjoy their 'toys' throughout the day..instead of hurrying up to get ready and go. We'll make an early supper of fried clams, and pizza 'stromboli'..we'll have some fingers foods and popcorn since it's also NEW YEAR'S EVE!!! We'll bake and decorate the cookie mixes my Aunt Marie sent us..maybe make some divinity. I also bought 3 two liter bottles of Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash to share in the evening. We'll play some board games..and maybe share some New Year's Resolutions. I'm sure we'll watch a movie...or two.
Lord willing..it'll be a good day. Gabe has 3 days off.
To say the year wasn't good would be a lie. It ended with incredible pain and heartache..and a bit of joy..but we have so much to be thankful for as we look back on the year. I'm so glad I 'listened' to that voice that told us to take that trip back in May.."Do this for Dad.." Now I know why..
God is good...all the time.
A place to share the blessings and struggles, grief and joy of raising our large family..
About Me
- AndreaBeth
- Welcome! We are a homeschooling family of 12 living a smallish home, with a Lab named Samson, a Morkie named Cookie, and square foot gardens. Loving the Lord and learning as we go!
Us.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Heartbroken
My daddy is gone..he died peacefully in his sleep Thursday morning, Dec. 8th.
Today I have a little girl that is ready to celebrate her birthday. Her party is today..but she turns four tomorrow.
Joy and sorrow, all mixed up. So much to do..but my mind is numb.
I just want to go for a long walk in the freezing cold...
Today I have a little girl that is ready to celebrate her birthday. Her party is today..but she turns four tomorrow.
Joy and sorrow, all mixed up. So much to do..but my mind is numb.
I just want to go for a long walk in the freezing cold...
Friday, December 02, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Mama did you know?...that the note you hastily wrote and attached to a baby gift 4 or 5 babies ago ..would mean so much to me?
Mama did you know?..that I would find that note tucked away years later...and the tears would flow.
Did you know..that I would tack it on my dining room wall, so I could see it every single day.
Your handwriting..I can hear your voice when I glance at it...how much you love my children- your grandbabies.
Your welcome.
And thank-you... for giving me life.
Till we meet again, at the glorious feet of our Savior.
I love you.
Mama did you know?..that I would find that note tucked away years later...and the tears would flow.
Did you know..that I would tack it on my dining room wall, so I could see it every single day.
Your handwriting..I can hear your voice when I glance at it...how much you love my children- your grandbabies.
Your welcome.
And thank-you... for giving me life.
Till we meet again, at the glorious feet of our Savior.
I love you.
Monday, November 28, 2011
If you give a man a power drill...
Gabe had a week off from work. Sort of.
If you've ever read the children's book "If You Give A Mouse a Cookie"..
..the same thing happens when you give a man a power drill..
He does love to tear things apart..
turned out to be a bit more than we had planned on doing for now..
and we kept finding more rotten wood..
there was no turnin back...
that tends to happen in old houses. Ours was built in 1919.
Ready for siding.
Soon ...we'll have a smaller porch and a new bedroom!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Life is precious..
Every..single..one...
http://theblessingofverity.com/
Sweet Katerina is finally an American citizen! She's finally with her forever family. Praise You, Jesus. Please Lord, rescue the other orphans from her former orphanage. Please give them LIFE, too.
Amen.
http://theblessingofverity.com/
Sweet Katerina is finally an American citizen! She's finally with her forever family. Praise You, Jesus. Please Lord, rescue the other orphans from her former orphanage. Please give them LIFE, too.
Amen.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
A box for Papa
My dad is still recovering from his surgery. He developed something called 'chemical meningitis' and is very weak. So he's staying at a nursing/rehabilitation center for a while. The kids have been praying for him every day. I haven't spoken to him on the phone for over a week..and can't get ahold of him (his hearing aids are not working properly, or his hearing has been damaged from the radiation). So, we decided to write him some letters and send him boxes of goodies! The kids are having fun finding things to put together. We bought some crossword puzzles in jumbo print, playing cards, baked some cookies and mini muffins...and lots of coloring pages. I don't know if dad will eat any of it, or even use the stuff we sent..but like I mentioned on the phone to my auntie..people who come by to visit can enjoy the goodies we sent :)
We mailed our first box to him today in a flat rate box. The postman said we saved over 6 dollars doing it that way. So we must've packed it well. We hope to send another box next week. I do hope it cheers him up a bit. I sure wish we could be there to visit him personally. We would be there every day or so if we could.
Thinking of dad stuck in bed is a hard thing to think about. I know it's even harder on him. He's a strong and independant man. He's definitely a 'manly' man. He drove log truck for most of my childhood..then he was a supervisor at a correctional facility. Not a job for 'softy' men. He took care of my mother till the moment she passed away...he was right by her side.
I pray that the Lord will give him strength, and that dad will accept help from the One who can help him through this. If he can get strong, and have the small tumor removed from his lungs..his prognosis is excellent.
Now..what to put in the next box....:)
We mailed our first box to him today in a flat rate box. The postman said we saved over 6 dollars doing it that way. So we must've packed it well. We hope to send another box next week. I do hope it cheers him up a bit. I sure wish we could be there to visit him personally. We would be there every day or so if we could.
Thinking of dad stuck in bed is a hard thing to think about. I know it's even harder on him. He's a strong and independant man. He's definitely a 'manly' man. He drove log truck for most of my childhood..then he was a supervisor at a correctional facility. Not a job for 'softy' men. He took care of my mother till the moment she passed away...he was right by her side.
I pray that the Lord will give him strength, and that dad will accept help from the One who can help him through this. If he can get strong, and have the small tumor removed from his lungs..his prognosis is excellent.
The earnest prayer of a righteous man has great power and wonderful results! (James 5:16)
Is anything too hard for the Lord? Genesis 18:14)
Now..what to put in the next box....:)
Tuesday, November 08, 2011
My quest for CLEAN
I have decided and am determined to get my house in order and form better habits with my time. In doing so, I'm taking a break from my favorite 'home on the net' (you all know who you are!) and am focusing my time on getting my 'list' done.
I will still be checking my email, the weather and some news..and post on the blog here and there.
My goals:
form a good habit of getting the Word read daily (my Bible, for those who don't know what the 'Word' is!)
finish putting together my homekeeping binder
form a 'maintenance plan' to keep up with the housework, especially those areas we avoid too regularly
organize and declutter my homeschool area. Too many papers, coloring books, schoolbooks. Some I will store away for later, when I do need them. For now..they don't need to be decorating my living room.
organize my kitchen and pantry..and repaint it!
organize our attic, before it gets terrible cold outside
clean the basement and laundry room. Get caught up w/ laundry..and get a system going in order to STAY caught up.
Get the children used to their new weekly assignment lists..keep them motivated to work on their own.
get my penpal letters written. Amy and Karen..your letters are coming! Keep Elie going with her penpal, to.
Write to my dad, since he's still in the rehab/nursing home recovering from surgery. Send him boxes of yummy stuff at least once a week...if possible.
Get a meal plan going..again.
Find time to crochet!
Find time to exercise.
Slow down and ENJOY these little guys (and gal)....
I will still be checking my email, the weather and some news..and post on the blog here and there.
My goals:
form a good habit of getting the Word read daily (my Bible, for those who don't know what the 'Word' is!)
finish putting together my homekeeping binder
form a 'maintenance plan' to keep up with the housework, especially those areas we avoid too regularly
organize and declutter my homeschool area. Too many papers, coloring books, schoolbooks. Some I will store away for later, when I do need them. For now..they don't need to be decorating my living room.
organize my kitchen and pantry..and repaint it!
organize our attic, before it gets terrible cold outside
clean the basement and laundry room. Get caught up w/ laundry..and get a system going in order to STAY caught up.
Get the children used to their new weekly assignment lists..keep them motivated to work on their own.
get my penpal letters written. Amy and Karen..your letters are coming! Keep Elie going with her penpal, to.
Write to my dad, since he's still in the rehab/nursing home recovering from surgery. Send him boxes of yummy stuff at least once a week...if possible.
Get a meal plan going..again.
Find time to crochet!
Find time to exercise.
Slow down and ENJOY these little guys (and gal)....
Saturday, October 08, 2011
A day with just my littles...
Daddy took the oldest three children to the Cities to a Christian conference (Understanding the Times w/ Jan Markell). So..it's just mommy and her four babies today! (ages 1-7)
This morning, after we did chores (including the older brother's chores, because they had to leave at 5am)..we loaded in the van and went to Dollar General where we shopped for goodies for a 'snack picnic'..then we went to South Park to play a while.
This morning, after we did chores (including the older brother's chores, because they had to leave at 5am)..we loaded in the van and went to Dollar General where we shopped for goodies for a 'snack picnic'..then we went to South Park to play a while.
We had pudding cups and cheese nips. Real health food. Ha! (Mommy had Pringles..shhh!) I also bought a bottle of spill-proof bubbles. It was SOO windy there..this park is on the edge of town and the wind is coming straight off the corn fields.
Then we stopped back by the grocery store before heading home, to pick up something for supper. They chose pizza (also picked up some cabbage to make saurkraut for the first time!)
Now..Caleb went right down for a nap..he was so wiped out! The boys are playing with Hero Factories on the stairs...I've been resting the chair. It amazes me how much quieter this house is minus the older three....why is that?? I love them dearly but they are loud.(ages 14, 12 and 9)
Anyway..C is still sleeping. Daddy and boys won't be home till after bedtime.
I think it's time to find something constructive to do. Maybe we'll go outside and collect leaves, and iron them between wax paper to hang up. I have a ton of other things that need done..like four baskets of laundry that need folded..dishes need washed..bar needs cleared...Elie's room needs cleaned... BUT..I'm not doing it right now.
Then we stopped back by the grocery store before heading home, to pick up something for supper. They chose pizza (also picked up some cabbage to make saurkraut for the first time!)
Now..Caleb went right down for a nap..he was so wiped out! The boys are playing with Hero Factories on the stairs...I've been resting the chair. It amazes me how much quieter this house is minus the older three....why is that?? I love them dearly but they are loud.(ages 14, 12 and 9)
Anyway..C is still sleeping. Daddy and boys won't be home till after bedtime.
I think it's time to find something constructive to do. Maybe we'll go outside and collect leaves, and iron them between wax paper to hang up. I have a ton of other things that need done..like four baskets of laundry that need folded..dishes need washed..bar needs cleared...Elie's room needs cleaned... BUT..I'm not doing it right now.
We're going outside!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
PAVLOVA!
Today is the Australian party..finally! We've been studying Australia for quite a while and we always have a party at the end of the study. A MOMYS friend suggested I make Pavlova for a unique Australian dessert. Here's the final product! I can't wait to try it out. (although, I have already tasted little bits as I was putting it together. So nummy!)
Friday, September 09, 2011
Lung Cancer
I feel numb. I can't think clearly. I don't want to think. I don't want to go through this ....again.
Still many questions unanswered..questions I don't want to ask..and answers I don't want to face.
~~~~Oh Lord, I pray, speak directly to my Daddy's heart! Go to him in his dreams Lord Jesus..speak to him and let him know You are there with open arms. I pray he will turn to You. Amen.~~~~
Still many questions unanswered..questions I don't want to ask..and answers I don't want to face.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured,
boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me,
all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy
glorious rest above!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore
to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches
o'er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth,
watcheth o'er them from the throne!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, 'tis a heav'n
of heav'ns to me
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to
Thee!
Lord your works are so wonderful. Your mighty hand holds high the heavens, holds back the sea..and releases the winds upon the earth. We turn and turn from you..and deny you even exist, yet your love is so deep..you chastise..and then forgive..over and over..your arms are always wide open as soon as we repent of our pride and release our bitter hearts to your healing hands.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Update on Dad
MRI shows a small mass in the lower side in the back of his head. A small tumor surrounded by fluid. (as far as I know, anyway) Surgery to remove it this Thursday morning. He sounds great! And he's feeling good.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
When it rains..
When it rains..'it pours'.
My Daddy is in the hospital. ( I know..I'm 32 years old..but he's still my 'daddy'.)
A cat scan shows a mass in the back of his head. MRI was done today and we're waiting on the results. I probably won't find out until tomorrow..since I'm 2 time zones away.
It has only been 3 years since mom lost her battle with cancer.
One year since Gramma S, dad's mom, passed away.
Two weeks since Grampa K, mom's dad, passed away.
They're planning to remove the mass later this week..Thursday.
I'm feeling kinda numb..
My Daddy is in the hospital. ( I know..I'm 32 years old..but he's still my 'daddy'.)
A cat scan shows a mass in the back of his head. MRI was done today and we're waiting on the results. I probably won't find out until tomorrow..since I'm 2 time zones away.
It has only been 3 years since mom lost her battle with cancer.
One year since Gramma S, dad's mom, passed away.
Two weeks since Grampa K, mom's dad, passed away.
They're planning to remove the mass later this week..Thursday.
I'm feeling kinda numb..
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
My Grampa
Sunday morning, August 14th..my 96 year old Grampa fell asleep in a chair, and didn't wake up. I got the call while I was on my way to church.
We knew it was coming..but it's still hard to grasp. He grew to be a very old man..and had a long life. Oh, to think of the things he has seen..
Grandma passed away when I was only 16.
....and Mom, three years ago.
I am so thankful I got to see him one last time on our trip back in May. I've said 'good-bye' to my Grampa on more than one occasion..with the thought I'd never see him again. I knew this last time though...that was it. The children and my Aunt were outside looking at pretty rocks..and I went back inside for something. I peeked in Grampa's room while he was sleeping and watched him for a few minutes. I choked back tears...and gave him one last kiss, and then walked out the door.
This Friday is the funeral..and we can't be there, of course. So, in honor of Grampa Kiser, we'll be drinkng Pepsi and eating Twinkies. Somethings he used to enjoy on a regular basis. I'll tell the kids stories I can remember from childhood.
We knew it was coming..but it's still hard to grasp. He grew to be a very old man..and had a long life. Oh, to think of the things he has seen..
Grandma passed away when I was only 16.
....and Mom, three years ago.
I am so thankful I got to see him one last time on our trip back in May. I've said 'good-bye' to my Grampa on more than one occasion..with the thought I'd never see him again. I knew this last time though...that was it. The children and my Aunt were outside looking at pretty rocks..and I went back inside for something. I peeked in Grampa's room while he was sleeping and watched him for a few minutes. I choked back tears...and gave him one last kiss, and then walked out the door.
This Friday is the funeral..and we can't be there, of course. So, in honor of Grampa Kiser, we'll be drinkng Pepsi and eating Twinkies. Somethings he used to enjoy on a regular basis. I'll tell the kids stories I can remember from childhood.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Jam
This is one of those time I wish I had listened to my Mama. Or watched her, to be more accurate!
I attempted to can my first homemade jam. I had two gallon size bags of strawberries in my freezer, just waiting to be mashed by some boy with plenty of energy to burn.
With my laptop on the kitchen counter, opened to a page on canning preserves-- pickyourown.org-- I gathered the supplies I had recenty purchased.
magnetic lid lifter
case of pint jars
jar lifter
no-sugar pectin
I was ready!
With children waltzing in and out of the kitchen, wondering WHAT Mama was up to..step by step I followed the directions for hot-water bath canning.
Since I have a ceramic top stove, bought new in '07, I really did't want to attempt canning with a 'real' canner, and risk cracking the top of my stove. So, I used my largest pot still small enough to fit on my larger burner setting. (I usually boil corn on the cob in this pot, so it's tall enough)
On the advice of a friend..I twisty-tied five jar rings together to lay in the bottom of the pot for the jars to sit on. This worked 'ok'. The jars tipped sideways at an angle. I was only canning 3 jars of jam though. (I think I'll have dh cut me out a flat piece of metal to lay on top of the rings.)
Here's my final product. I'm pretty tickled! Wish I could share this with my Mom. My Dad will probably chuckle at me..since he cans all the time.
I attempted to can my first homemade jam. I had two gallon size bags of strawberries in my freezer, just waiting to be mashed by some boy with plenty of energy to burn.
With my laptop on the kitchen counter, opened to a page on canning preserves-- pickyourown.org-- I gathered the supplies I had recenty purchased.
magnetic lid lifter
case of pint jars
jar lifter
no-sugar pectin
I was ready!
With children waltzing in and out of the kitchen, wondering WHAT Mama was up to..step by step I followed the directions for hot-water bath canning.
Since I have a ceramic top stove, bought new in '07, I really did't want to attempt canning with a 'real' canner, and risk cracking the top of my stove. So, I used my largest pot still small enough to fit on my larger burner setting. (I usually boil corn on the cob in this pot, so it's tall enough)
On the advice of a friend..I twisty-tied five jar rings together to lay in the bottom of the pot for the jars to sit on. This worked 'ok'. The jars tipped sideways at an angle. I was only canning 3 jars of jam though. (I think I'll have dh cut me out a flat piece of metal to lay on top of the rings.)
Here's my final product. I'm pretty tickled! Wish I could share this with my Mom. My Dad will probably chuckle at me..since he cans all the time.
And one of my super helpers today...
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
15 months..and our favorite school books.. & 3 years gone by
amazing..adventurous..adorable. That's our little Caleb. :)
Just had to share a picture!
*****************************************
If you homeschool..do you notice how you always come back to the same books again and again? I LOVE curriculum..
Here are a few of our favorite things right now. Some we've had for years and some are new.
Math It
Apples Daily Drills
Apologia..anything! Right now we're using Anatomy.
Oldest son is doing Exploring Creation with General Science on cdrom.
Rod and Staff grammar books.
All Through the Ages. I use this to find great books for history reading.
Ruth Beechick's Three R's books.
Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons
Dick and Jane. It was good enough for me..it's good enough for them :)
ABeka Civics Activity book.
Khan Academy (math helps)
We've been using Singapore math for a few years now. It works great for my 2nd-4th sons. Not so great for my oldest. I'm trying to supplement with Math Mammoth on the advice of a math nerd friend, and get him caught up to grade level. That's the great thing about homeschooling..no leaving him in the dust!
For history, we like to read real books. :) Right now we're in The Light and the Glory for Children by Peter Marshall & David Manuel. Also going through The American Revolution by Dale Anderson. All the while, slowing studying the Abeka Civics Activity book. There is so much that I didn't even know!
**************************************************
And..Sunday, July 24th was the 3 year mark. Mama's battle with cancer was over and she was taken to the arms of our Heavenly Father. So much has happened since then. Time marches on..but my heart will always ache. I miss her so much..and think of her every day.
Just had to share a picture!
*****************************************
If you homeschool..do you notice how you always come back to the same books again and again? I LOVE curriculum..
Here are a few of our favorite things right now. Some we've had for years and some are new.
Math It
Apples Daily Drills
Apologia..anything! Right now we're using Anatomy.
Oldest son is doing Exploring Creation with General Science on cdrom.
Rod and Staff grammar books.
All Through the Ages. I use this to find great books for history reading.
Ruth Beechick's Three R's books.
Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons
Dick and Jane. It was good enough for me..it's good enough for them :)
ABeka Civics Activity book.
Khan Academy (math helps)
We've been using Singapore math for a few years now. It works great for my 2nd-4th sons. Not so great for my oldest. I'm trying to supplement with Math Mammoth on the advice of a math nerd friend, and get him caught up to grade level. That's the great thing about homeschooling..no leaving him in the dust!
For history, we like to read real books. :) Right now we're in The Light and the Glory for Children by Peter Marshall & David Manuel. Also going through The American Revolution by Dale Anderson. All the while, slowing studying the Abeka Civics Activity book. There is so much that I didn't even know!
**************************************************
And..Sunday, July 24th was the 3 year mark. Mama's battle with cancer was over and she was taken to the arms of our Heavenly Father. So much has happened since then. Time marches on..but my heart will always ache. I miss her so much..and think of her every day.
Friday, July 08, 2011
A few words from a grieving friend..
When a child dies. What NOT to do.
(written from a momys friend, Corinne K.)
Some of you know my 12 yo daughter Rachael died 3 years ago this month. It is fascinating to me what types of things I have learned through losing her. My friend's 11 year old son is dying of cancer and she is struggling so I thought it might help to share a few things that you should never say to a mom who has a child dying or one who died.
1. Never tell us that we are doing *it* wrong. *It* is unbearable and we are doing the best there is to do. Honest. If you would do things differently that is fine. But don't tell us. This is not your job or burden to bear and we DO have to do it and you don't.
2. Don't tell us that they are in a better place. We know heaven is nicer than here, but we like them here just fine and really...it feels like you are saying we are not good enough for our child to stay.
3. Please don't tell us ways to save them. We already want to and can't or couldn't.
4. Don't tell us that God *must* heal our child if we just have enough faith. Perfect healing is in heaven for us all and I have yet to meet a Christian who never died. If faith was all it takes to heal everyone NO one would ever die.
5. It hurts us to be told that losing a child to death by sickness or accident is the same a when your 94 year old grandmother died in her sleep 2 years ago. It isn't the same thing at all. We know you are in pain, but it is not the same thing. At all.
6. Please don't expect us to be back to normal in a month and it is a fallacy to say grieving takes a year. We will never be the same and it will take a long time to find our way again. We will never be *over it*.
7. Please help us. Life is so overwhelming that after the death it is hard to even think of HOW to cook a meal, let alone do it. And if our child has not died yet, please offer to help in any and every way possible. If you are far away, money helps us to buy help.
8. Let us cry. We are so sorry that it makes you uncomfortable, but it is a fact of our life now. Tears will come and it doesn't mean that it is bad to talk about our children, only that we are deeply grieving them.
9. It means a lot to us when you remember our child. Expecially later when it feels like everyone has forgotten.
10. Having another baby is not the answer to losing the one that died.
11. It is NOT easier, or harder, that we have other children. No one can replace the one that died.
12. Please don't watch us as though we are about to throw ourselves into the open grave. None of us likes to be thought of as a freak show. And please think of us as something other than the-lady-whose-kid-died. That is a hard definition to live with. But also please be gentle with us for quite a while. We can't handle rough treatment.
13. We may gain weight, or lose weight, or sleep more, or not sleep at all. We may be sad for a long time. It does not mean something wrong with us. It just means we are profoundly changed.
14. We will never be the same as you once knew us. Please don't expect us to be.
15. Remember that our families are hurting too.
16. We can't help you through our child's death. We recognize that it is hard for many people but please don't lean on us as we go through this. We can't hold you up. We have other people that we have to help already. Come and help hold us up instead please.
Pretty please?
When a child dies. What you SHOULD do.
I have had numerous requests since yesterday asking for help with what TO do for a grieving parent, or anyone in deep grief really. But I will write it for parents since that is what I am.
1. When we cry, just wait. Don't try to say things to make us feel better since there really isn't anything to say. We know that. Just a hand on a shoulder or a hug, or hand us a tissue. You can say "I am so sorry you have to do this." or "I will miss her too."
2. Accept that we will grieve. For a long time. Don't ask us to shorten our grief to make you feel better or so you can feel that we are okay now. Tell us that you know this and that it is okay.
3. Grief is hard work. It requires most of our energy. Please understand that we are tired and it is hard to socialize at first.
4. Remember our children with us. Share your memories with us. It is all we have left and we treasure them more than you can even know. Tell us something we didn't know.
5. Help us. But please try not to ask us what we need. We don't know and it requires more thinking than we are able to do. Bring groceries. Clean the house. Go put gas in the car. Take our other children someplace fun since that is not something we are able to do for them right now. Run errands. Think of something specific and then ask if you can do that for us.
6. Be the one to reach out. It isn't that we don't want to be with you, it is just that our mind is so full that we can't think of it ourselves. If we don't want to, please don't feel rejected. Somedays are just harder than others. Keep trying because we really need you. I based my decisions of what to do on whether it *would* have sounded fun to me before. For us, the world is only shades of grey for a while. Color comes back very slowly.
6. Don't ignore us. All of us have lost many friends because they didn't know what to say to us. Even if it has been a while, please don't abandon us because we are too hard for you now. Even if all you have to say is "I don't know what to say."
7. Remember the special dates with us. Anniversaries of our child's death are very hard and painful for a long time. Remember a birthday or anniversary and let us know that you care and it matters to you too, because it really matters to us.
8. Take your cues from us, especially at first. If we are able to laugh with you, then do, but if our mood changes back to tears, move there with us. We often feel guilty when we have fun, so help us understand that it is okay.
9. If our child is dying from an illness we are grieving prior to death too. Don't forget us.
10. If our child was stillborn, please remember that he or she was still our child and our grief is profound and often discounted. Remember them with us please.
11. If our child died from an accident we are in shock and need time to come to terms with the facts.
12. Take the time to find out what our *Love Laungage* is and speak to us in our language. Small gifts to one who hears love that way, spend time with the one who needs quality time, serve the one who needs service, speak words to those that need them, and touch the one who needs touch. But please remember that we all need some of all of them.
Your caring enough to do these things helps so much. We have to do this anyway and knowing people care enough to stick with us through it makes a difference.
*13. If we are strong right at first, that's great. But really hard grieving, the doubt or anger or whatever, might come weeks, or even months later. Don't just assume because mom or dad is a pillar of strength at the funeral they are *always* going to be that strong and thus don't need you. (Jonash2004)
Corinne wife to love-of-my-life Pete and MOMYS to Kevin; Christy, Kenneth; Nick; Amanda; Jacob; ^Rachael^ Forever 12; David; Rebekah; Sarah; Daniel; Katie; and Benjamin. MIL to Lee, Emily, and Marci; and Nana to 16! www.mdtesting.com
(written from a momys friend, Corinne K.)
Some of you know my 12 yo daughter Rachael died 3 years ago this month. It is fascinating to me what types of things I have learned through losing her. My friend's 11 year old son is dying of cancer and she is struggling so I thought it might help to share a few things that you should never say to a mom who has a child dying or one who died.
1. Never tell us that we are doing *it* wrong. *It* is unbearable and we are doing the best there is to do. Honest. If you would do things differently that is fine. But don't tell us. This is not your job or burden to bear and we DO have to do it and you don't.
2. Don't tell us that they are in a better place. We know heaven is nicer than here, but we like them here just fine and really...it feels like you are saying we are not good enough for our child to stay.
3. Please don't tell us ways to save them. We already want to and can't or couldn't.
4. Don't tell us that God *must* heal our child if we just have enough faith. Perfect healing is in heaven for us all and I have yet to meet a Christian who never died. If faith was all it takes to heal everyone NO one would ever die.
5. It hurts us to be told that losing a child to death by sickness or accident is the same a when your 94 year old grandmother died in her sleep 2 years ago. It isn't the same thing at all. We know you are in pain, but it is not the same thing. At all.
6. Please don't expect us to be back to normal in a month and it is a fallacy to say grieving takes a year. We will never be the same and it will take a long time to find our way again. We will never be *over it*.
7. Please help us. Life is so overwhelming that after the death it is hard to even think of HOW to cook a meal, let alone do it. And if our child has not died yet, please offer to help in any and every way possible. If you are far away, money helps us to buy help.
8. Let us cry. We are so sorry that it makes you uncomfortable, but it is a fact of our life now. Tears will come and it doesn't mean that it is bad to talk about our children, only that we are deeply grieving them.
9. It means a lot to us when you remember our child. Expecially later when it feels like everyone has forgotten.
10. Having another baby is not the answer to losing the one that died.
11. It is NOT easier, or harder, that we have other children. No one can replace the one that died.
12. Please don't watch us as though we are about to throw ourselves into the open grave. None of us likes to be thought of as a freak show. And please think of us as something other than the-lady-whose-kid-died. That is a hard definition to live with. But also please be gentle with us for quite a while. We can't handle rough treatment.
13. We may gain weight, or lose weight, or sleep more, or not sleep at all. We may be sad for a long time. It does not mean something wrong with us. It just means we are profoundly changed.
14. We will never be the same as you once knew us. Please don't expect us to be.
15. Remember that our families are hurting too.
16. We can't help you through our child's death. We recognize that it is hard for many people but please don't lean on us as we go through this. We can't hold you up. We have other people that we have to help already. Come and help hold us up instead please.
Pretty please?
When a child dies. What you SHOULD do.
I have had numerous requests since yesterday asking for help with what TO do for a grieving parent, or anyone in deep grief really. But I will write it for parents since that is what I am.
1. When we cry, just wait. Don't try to say things to make us feel better since there really isn't anything to say. We know that. Just a hand on a shoulder or a hug, or hand us a tissue. You can say "I am so sorry you have to do this." or "I will miss her too."
2. Accept that we will grieve. For a long time. Don't ask us to shorten our grief to make you feel better or so you can feel that we are okay now. Tell us that you know this and that it is okay.
3. Grief is hard work. It requires most of our energy. Please understand that we are tired and it is hard to socialize at first.
4. Remember our children with us. Share your memories with us. It is all we have left and we treasure them more than you can even know. Tell us something we didn't know.
5. Help us. But please try not to ask us what we need. We don't know and it requires more thinking than we are able to do. Bring groceries. Clean the house. Go put gas in the car. Take our other children someplace fun since that is not something we are able to do for them right now. Run errands. Think of something specific and then ask if you can do that for us.
6. Be the one to reach out. It isn't that we don't want to be with you, it is just that our mind is so full that we can't think of it ourselves. If we don't want to, please don't feel rejected. Somedays are just harder than others. Keep trying because we really need you. I based my decisions of what to do on whether it *would* have sounded fun to me before. For us, the world is only shades of grey for a while. Color comes back very slowly.
6. Don't ignore us. All of us have lost many friends because they didn't know what to say to us. Even if it has been a while, please don't abandon us because we are too hard for you now. Even if all you have to say is "I don't know what to say."
7. Remember the special dates with us. Anniversaries of our child's death are very hard and painful for a long time. Remember a birthday or anniversary and let us know that you care and it matters to you too, because it really matters to us.
8. Take your cues from us, especially at first. If we are able to laugh with you, then do, but if our mood changes back to tears, move there with us. We often feel guilty when we have fun, so help us understand that it is okay.
9. If our child is dying from an illness we are grieving prior to death too. Don't forget us.
10. If our child was stillborn, please remember that he or she was still our child and our grief is profound and often discounted. Remember them with us please.
11. If our child died from an accident we are in shock and need time to come to terms with the facts.
12. Take the time to find out what our *Love Laungage* is and speak to us in our language. Small gifts to one who hears love that way, spend time with the one who needs quality time, serve the one who needs service, speak words to those that need them, and touch the one who needs touch. But please remember that we all need some of all of them.
Your caring enough to do these things helps so much. We have to do this anyway and knowing people care enough to stick with us through it makes a difference.
*13. If we are strong right at first, that's great. But really hard grieving, the doubt or anger or whatever, might come weeks, or even months later. Don't just assume because mom or dad is a pillar of strength at the funeral they are *always* going to be that strong and thus don't need you. (Jonash2004)
Corinne wife to love-of-my-life Pete and MOMYS to Kevin; Christy, Kenneth; Nick; Amanda; Jacob; ^Rachael^ Forever 12; David; Rebekah; Sarah; Daniel; Katie; and Benjamin. MIL to Lee, Emily, and Marci; and Nana to 16! www.mdtesting.com
Friday, May 20, 2011
5022 miles
11 children..five adults..and 5022 miles on the road.
1000 pics https://picasaweb.google.com/wtsncrew7/20110501?authkey=Gv1sRgCLfZ7eDW-eGx2gE#
232 pics https://picasaweb.google.com/wtsncrew7/April242011?authkey=Gv1sRgCMna2aGcppfLogE#
(If you click on the 'Home' tab at the top, you can see all my albums)
here's a quick summary of the trip..up to May 10th. I haven't been back to finish..and now I can't remember...
April 23rd-Left MN to Mitchel, SD. Visited Corn Palace. Stayed at the Roachlight Motel. (Coachlight)
April 24th--Easter Sunday..we listened to a sermon in the van. Stayed the night in Custer at the Rocket Motel.
April 25th-- Drove the Needles hwy..beautiful!! Saw buffalo by the road. Visited Mt. Rushmore.
Drove to Spearfish and bought two back tires at Walmart. Drove to Hardin, MT at 6pm and didn't arrive till 11pm!
April 26th--Drove to Custer's Last Stand at Little Big Horn. Beautiful country..amazing..and surreal. Headed for Missoula about noon. Children's first view of real mountains!
Arrived at "Redwood Lodge' Saw the sign for Ex otic Dancers and knew it wasn't a good place to stay. Drove over to Days Inn...crunchy moldy stinky sock found between mattress.
We stayed at La Quinta instead. :o)
April 27th--Drove straight through Idaho into WA. Stopped for gas in Spokane. Gabe said the Burger King looked familiar..I said I think we're near where Kev works. (my brother). So I gave him a call..we were only a mile from his work! So we stopped by for a few minutes.
Drove Highway 2 to Leavenworth. Stopped in Wilbur for a lukewarm cup of coffee.
Gas is expensive in WA.
April 28th--In Leavenworth..stayed at Linderhoff Inn. Had a balcony room..and..you won't believe this...TWO BATHROOMS!!! We were in heaven!! Ha!
Spent the morning looking through some shops and taking pictures. Ethan got his first cowboy hat. Drove to Port Townsend. Saw a field full of tulips. Took a ferry from Whidbey Island to Port Townsend and stayed the night.
April 29th--Drove hwy 101 down to Chehalis. Saw friends Bob and JLee and gave everyone hugs before we headed out to Dad's farm. Beautiful sunny day. Arrived at Dad's in early afternoon. Kids played outside and explored till they were exhausted. Gramma Jean and Grampa Joe came out to see us at Dad's (they live in Longview)
April 30th--Another beautiful sunny day. All my siblings came to Dad's place. We took pictures of all the grands (minus 1) with Dad, and each family w/ Dad. Kev gave me a special gift that belonged to Mom. Jay built a campfire and we made smores for the kids in the evening.
May 1st--We visited First Christian Church, the church we attended before we moved, and the one we were married and baptized in. Afterward we visited Gramma and Grampa Watson. She had a tray full of cookies..and I think they were gone in 20 minutes!
On the way back to Dad's, we stopped by the cemetery and I saw my Mom's stone..and Gramma Kiser's..and my nephew Wyatt's. Couldn't find my Grandma Scott's stone.
May 2nd-Did some shopping at Sunbirds. Ran into an older couple who had 8 children (grown now). We met up w/ the family and drove out to Longview to see Jean and Joe and have pizza at their house.
May 3rd--Stopped by Doty Store and took some pics of our group. Ate at Evey's Greasy Spoon in Pe Ell and drove to the beach! The boys flew kites all afternoon. Shops were closed by the time we got there but we managed to get some taffy before one closed. Saw seals in the water around the boats. Saw herds of Elk on the way home.
May 4th--Drove to Mt. St. Helens. The center was closed so we picnicked outside and the kids played on playground equipment. Gabe bought me some beautiful cross earrings made with Emerald Obsidianite http://www.mt-st-helens.com/obsidianite.html
Took some beautiful pics of the mountain. Drove to Winlock to see the famous giant Egg. :)
May 5th- Last day at Dad's. He took us back up to the cemetery and showed us where Gramma was buried (his mom..passed away last summer) and his dad (passed away when Dad was 6)
Visited w/ Aunt Marie. She showed the children her rock collection and let them each choose a rock of their own to take w/ them. Saw my Grampa Kiser, who will be 96 next week. Took a pic of him and Noah, for they share a birthday on the 29th.
Spent the day hanging out and visiting with family. Dad cooked FOUR limits of clams!! YUM!!!
May 6th- Said our Good-byes at 8am. Drove to Long Beach before the tide came in. Visited with Aunt Judy and Uncle Ed. Kids played in the rain and they cooked oysters over the fire. Ocean beach view from the room. They brought over burgers and chips for supper.
May 7th- Drove to Pendelton, OR. Turned off to find a gas station onto scenic hwy 31 (?). Gorgeous view over the Colombia River!! Ma got a flat tire. Gabe and Pa put the spare tire on..and I called Jay to see how far away Hood River was from where we were at. (Multnomah Falls) He met us off the freeway and led us right to Les Schwab. Got to see nephew Jaycob, who couldn't make it to Dad's the weekend before! Les Schwab didn't charge anything for the tire fix. Amen! Arrived in Pendleton late in the eve. Ate at Rooster's.
May 8th- Drove to Pocatello, ID the next day.Listened to a sermon on cd for Sunday worship. Stopped at an Army Surplus store. Gabe and Ethan were overjoyed! Missed the exit to Pocatello... Kids were crying alot. Ate at Burger King that night.
May 9th- Drove to West Yellowstone. Stopped at Lava Formations along the way. Pretty neat but it was rainy and cold outside. Went to the Grizzly and Wolf Center in the evening for a bit. Ate at a neat little restaurant..Isaac lost his fools gold in a crack in the wall.
Next day we went back to the Grizzly Center. Wolf stared at Caleb in his stroller and gave me the creeps. My camera broke..so I don't have pics till we make it to Cody, WY. Saw Old Faithful!!
We heard there was an avalanche on the pass we were supposed to take..but it would reopen at 11am. We tried to find a place to eat..and got lost it the parking lot. Pass opened, so we went for it.
The Lord protected us! The pass is amazing..frightening..what can I say? God is amazing. We were the only nuts to be traveling the road. The bank of snow to our left was surreal..and the cliff to our right.....whoa.
We had an absolutely BEAUTIFUL drive to Cody, WY. We checked into The Legacy hotel..owned by Bill Cody's great great Granddaughter. Ate at Irma's restaurant..built by Bill Cody himself.
It was 830pm..and when the 16 of us walked in..with 11 children under 14..I could 'feel' the glares. I was so nervous! About halfway through dinner, an older lady walked up to me and commented on how well behaved all the children were. What a blessing! When she heard we were homeschoolers, she said to keep up the good work. She was a public school teacher for years.
After supper we went to Walmart and I bought a new camera.
May 10th-
I'll update soon as I have the time to THINK. :)
1000 pics https://picasaweb.google.com/wtsncrew7/20110501?authkey=Gv1sRgCLfZ7eDW-eGx2gE#
232 pics https://picasaweb.google.com/wtsncrew7/April242011?authkey=Gv1sRgCMna2aGcppfLogE#
(If you click on the 'Home' tab at the top, you can see all my albums)
here's a quick summary of the trip..up to May 10th. I haven't been back to finish..and now I can't remember...
April 23rd-Left MN to Mitchel, SD. Visited Corn Palace. Stayed at the Roachlight Motel. (Coachlight)
April 24th--Easter Sunday..we listened to a sermon in the van. Stayed the night in Custer at the Rocket Motel.
April 25th-- Drove the Needles hwy..beautiful!! Saw buffalo by the road. Visited Mt. Rushmore.
Drove to Spearfish and bought two back tires at Walmart. Drove to Hardin, MT at 6pm and didn't arrive till 11pm!
April 26th--Drove to Custer's Last Stand at Little Big Horn. Beautiful country..amazing..and surreal. Headed for Missoula about noon. Children's first view of real mountains!
Arrived at "Redwood Lodge' Saw the sign for Ex otic Dancers and knew it wasn't a good place to stay. Drove over to Days Inn...crunchy moldy stinky sock found between mattress.
We stayed at La Quinta instead. :o)
April 27th--Drove straight through Idaho into WA. Stopped for gas in Spokane. Gabe said the Burger King looked familiar..I said I think we're near where Kev works. (my brother). So I gave him a call..we were only a mile from his work! So we stopped by for a few minutes.
Drove Highway 2 to Leavenworth. Stopped in Wilbur for a lukewarm cup of coffee.
Gas is expensive in WA.
April 28th--In Leavenworth..stayed at Linderhoff Inn. Had a balcony room..and..you won't believe this...TWO BATHROOMS!!! We were in heaven!! Ha!
Spent the morning looking through some shops and taking pictures. Ethan got his first cowboy hat. Drove to Port Townsend. Saw a field full of tulips. Took a ferry from Whidbey Island to Port Townsend and stayed the night.
April 29th--Drove hwy 101 down to Chehalis. Saw friends Bob and JLee and gave everyone hugs before we headed out to Dad's farm. Beautiful sunny day. Arrived at Dad's in early afternoon. Kids played outside and explored till they were exhausted. Gramma Jean and Grampa Joe came out to see us at Dad's (they live in Longview)
April 30th--Another beautiful sunny day. All my siblings came to Dad's place. We took pictures of all the grands (minus 1) with Dad, and each family w/ Dad. Kev gave me a special gift that belonged to Mom. Jay built a campfire and we made smores for the kids in the evening.
May 1st--We visited First Christian Church, the church we attended before we moved, and the one we were married and baptized in. Afterward we visited Gramma and Grampa Watson. She had a tray full of cookies..and I think they were gone in 20 minutes!
On the way back to Dad's, we stopped by the cemetery and I saw my Mom's stone..and Gramma Kiser's..and my nephew Wyatt's. Couldn't find my Grandma Scott's stone.
May 2nd-Did some shopping at Sunbirds. Ran into an older couple who had 8 children (grown now). We met up w/ the family and drove out to Longview to see Jean and Joe and have pizza at their house.
May 3rd--Stopped by Doty Store and took some pics of our group. Ate at Evey's Greasy Spoon in Pe Ell and drove to the beach! The boys flew kites all afternoon. Shops were closed by the time we got there but we managed to get some taffy before one closed. Saw seals in the water around the boats. Saw herds of Elk on the way home.
May 4th--Drove to Mt. St. Helens. The center was closed so we picnicked outside and the kids played on playground equipment. Gabe bought me some beautiful cross earrings made with Emerald Obsidianite http://www.mt-st-helens.com/obsidianite.html
Took some beautiful pics of the mountain. Drove to Winlock to see the famous giant Egg. :)
May 5th- Last day at Dad's. He took us back up to the cemetery and showed us where Gramma was buried (his mom..passed away last summer) and his dad (passed away when Dad was 6)
Visited w/ Aunt Marie. She showed the children her rock collection and let them each choose a rock of their own to take w/ them. Saw my Grampa Kiser, who will be 96 next week. Took a pic of him and Noah, for they share a birthday on the 29th.
Spent the day hanging out and visiting with family. Dad cooked FOUR limits of clams!! YUM!!!
May 6th- Said our Good-byes at 8am. Drove to Long Beach before the tide came in. Visited with Aunt Judy and Uncle Ed. Kids played in the rain and they cooked oysters over the fire. Ocean beach view from the room. They brought over burgers and chips for supper.
May 7th- Drove to Pendelton, OR. Turned off to find a gas station onto scenic hwy 31 (?). Gorgeous view over the Colombia River!! Ma got a flat tire. Gabe and Pa put the spare tire on..and I called Jay to see how far away Hood River was from where we were at. (Multnomah Falls) He met us off the freeway and led us right to Les Schwab. Got to see nephew Jaycob, who couldn't make it to Dad's the weekend before! Les Schwab didn't charge anything for the tire fix. Amen! Arrived in Pendleton late in the eve. Ate at Rooster's.
May 8th- Drove to Pocatello, ID the next day.Listened to a sermon on cd for Sunday worship. Stopped at an Army Surplus store. Gabe and Ethan were overjoyed! Missed the exit to Pocatello... Kids were crying alot. Ate at Burger King that night.
May 9th- Drove to West Yellowstone. Stopped at Lava Formations along the way. Pretty neat but it was rainy and cold outside. Went to the Grizzly and Wolf Center in the evening for a bit. Ate at a neat little restaurant..Isaac lost his fools gold in a crack in the wall.
Next day we went back to the Grizzly Center. Wolf stared at Caleb in his stroller and gave me the creeps. My camera broke..so I don't have pics till we make it to Cody, WY. Saw Old Faithful!!
We heard there was an avalanche on the pass we were supposed to take..but it would reopen at 11am. We tried to find a place to eat..and got lost it the parking lot. Pass opened, so we went for it.
The Lord protected us! The pass is amazing..frightening..what can I say? God is amazing. We were the only nuts to be traveling the road. The bank of snow to our left was surreal..and the cliff to our right.....whoa.
We had an absolutely BEAUTIFUL drive to Cody, WY. We checked into The Legacy hotel..owned by Bill Cody's great great Granddaughter. Ate at Irma's restaurant..built by Bill Cody himself.
It was 830pm..and when the 16 of us walked in..with 11 children under 14..I could 'feel' the glares. I was so nervous! About halfway through dinner, an older lady walked up to me and commented on how well behaved all the children were. What a blessing! When she heard we were homeschoolers, she said to keep up the good work. She was a public school teacher for years.
After supper we went to Walmart and I bought a new camera.
May 10th-
I'll update soon as I have the time to THINK. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)