The Midnight Cry

Click the title above to see the video :)

A Day in the Life of a MOMYS

Here's a slideshow of our day, with captions.

http://picasaweb.google.com/wtsncrew7/DayInTheLifeOfAMOMYS?authkey=XGehKOokYMA#slideshow

Our visit..

Well..Dad and Kevin are on their way home. They made the trip..driving straight thru (from WA, thru Idaho, Montana, Wyoming and South Dakota) 28 hours!!
I'm so glad Dad and Kev came. It was just really weird (hard) to not have mom here too. I didn't quite know what to do with myself. It felt so good to hug my dad. Been wanting to do that since she passed away. Dad hadn't been here in 4 yrs (since Mikey was born!) And Uncle Kev has never been here!
That said..it was a good visit. The kids took to Papa and Uncle Kev right away...
Here's a couple pics..

Obie fell asleep on Uncle Kev...

Eliahna and her Papa..
Dad with the crew...


Also..on "reclaiming my kitchen"..boy, that didn't work out so well! Shortly after I posted that, we all came down with some super-bug enterovirus (awful!). We were down for the count for nearly 2 weeks!
I might give the menu a try again though.

Issues

Planned Parenthood Exposed on O'Reilly Factor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JP5fNsPKnpE

Jill Stanek on the O'Reilly Factor--

babies born alive, and allowed to die, in our hospitals. This just brought me to tears...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9duXeLahkV4

Reclaiming my kitchen!

That's it. I've had it. I'm reclaiming my kitchen!
or more appropriately, my fridge.

The boys go in and take whatever they want..whenever they think they're hungry. It's getting ridiculous...and it's hard on my grocery budget. (my children are far from malnourished!)
The hardest part is remembering snack times, and making sure my oldest three remember not to walk in and take an apple whenever they feel like it.

I've made out a lunch & snack menu for Mon-Fri:
fruit is either apple, banana or orange..or applesauce

Monday-
snack (10am) pb on crackers
lunch (noon) cheese tortillas and fruit
snack (2pm) fruit and crackers, homemade yogurt

Tuesday-
snack-apple slices and string cheese
lunch- top ramen and baby carrots
snack-cream cheese graham crackers

Wed.-
S-pb crackers/cheese n crackers
L- tomato soup or pb and jelly sandwiches
S-fruit/crackers/yogurt

Thurs-
S-raisins/fruit/dry cereal
L- hot dogs on buns, pickle slice
S- string cheese and popcorn

Fri-
S- meat and cheese on crackers
L- grilled cheese sandwiches and applesauce
S- yogurt and fruit

C.H.Spurgeon..Morning by Morning-Aug.17th

August 17th
The mercy of God."—Psalm 52:8.

Meditate a little on this mercy of the Lord. It is tender mercy. With gentle, loving touch, He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. He is as gracious in the manner of His mercy as in the matter of it. It is great mercy. There is nothing little in God; His mercy is like Himself—it is infinite. You cannot measure it. His mercy is so great that it forgives great sins to great sinners, after great lengths of time, and then gives great favours and great privileges, and raises us up to great enjoyments in the great heaven of the great God. It is undeserved mercy, as indeed all true mercy must be, for deserved mercy is only a misnomer for justice. There was no right on the sinner's part to the kind consideration of the Most High; had the rebel been doomed at once to eternal fire he would have richly merited the doom, and if delivered from wrath, sovereign love alone has found a cause, for there was none in the sinner himself. It is rich mercy. Some things are great, but have little efficacy in them, but this mercy is a cordial to your drooping spirits; a golden ointment to your bleeding wounds; a heavenly bandage to your broken bones; a royal chariot for your weary feet; a bosom of love for your trembling heart. It is manifold mercy. As Bunyan says, "All the flowers in God's garden are double." There is no single mercy. You may think you have but one mercy, but you shall find it to be a whole cluster of mercies. It is abounding mercy. Millions have received it, yet far from its being exhausted; it is as fresh, as full, and as free as ever. It is unfailing mercy. It will never leave thee. If mercy be thy friend, mercy will be with thee in temptation to keep thee from yielding; with thee in trouble to prevent thee from sinking; with thee living to be the light and life of thy countenance; and with thee dying to be the joy of thy soul when earthly comfort is ebbing fast.

The crew..

Mom used to do crosswords to keep her mind sharp, from being on chemo. She was pretty good at them! She'd bring some with her when she came to visit. I tried one, but I stink at them!
When she wasn't in the room..I flipped thru her book, and wrote things in various places, such as .."I love you".."I miss you"..."Kisses"..."Hope to see you soon!"..

Well..when Christmas came around she sent me one with sweet notes written throughout it.

While I was cleaning out my homeschool shelf the other day, I came across that crossword book. I'd been doing pretty well..and feeling pretty good. Then to see her handwriting again..and the words.."To Andee Beth! I love you"...and various notes throughout it. The last page said.."I'll see you soon! I hope!"

13 days --8/6/08

It's been 13 days since Mama passed on.
I've been up and down. More up than down, though. Yesterday was not a good day for me. I cried twice. I can hear her voice in my mind. And then my eyes sting because I realize I won't hear that anymore (here on earth).

Her celebration of life service is on the 30th of this month. And I can't be there. But I'm going to write something.
I haven't even started it yet. That's so not like me..but I can't bring myself to write it yet. How do I put my emotions/thoughts/memories into words? I want to honor my mom, and honor the Lord.

I started a book by Randy Alcorn titled Heaven. It's very good. Totally blows away any preconceived ideas I had about Heaven. I really want to buy a few copies..but they are pricey.

I'm having a hard time getting back into a routine. With 6 little ones, and homeschooling..I just have no motivation to teach. I'm having a hard time in that area...praying the Lord to help me.

I need a shirt.. 7/28/08

Sometimes I wish I could just wear a t-shirt that says "My mama just died..please be patient with me".
..it would explain why my eyes are red. Why I look tired. Why my hand is shaking while I sign my name. But I don't say anything..I just let everyone think I'm this tired mommy of many little ones.
:(

Another day..

I miss her.
I've missed her for months. But there was always that hope..that chance, that she could call me when she felt up to it. So when the home phone rang..I jumped. Once in a great while, it was her.
Now that she's finally gone..I'm allowed to just cry. Before I cried because she was leaving..and now I can cry because she's gone.
Yes..she is in a better place..and yes I'm crying for myself. I cry for my family who misses her too. It's not the same as it was two days ago. It's a fresh new pain... and my heart hurts.

It's 5:19 a.m.

It's 5:19 a.m. I can hear a lone bird singing outside my back door. My sister called me at 340 a.m.
My Mama is with Jesus now.

She is finally at peace..no more pain..no more cancer. Her body is whole again.

It's still kinda hard to wrap my mind around. It's hard to believe that when the phone rings..it will never be her voice on the other end again. But at the same time I know I'll see her again someday. It's hard to figure out how to grieve. I think of 2 Samuel 13..when David's son finally died..and he stopped weeping and fasting..got up and said he will see him again with the Lord. But then my flesh misses her so much..the tears spill over. I think about times she was here..little things. I just want to remember every little thing I can about her. The memories are good..they hurt..but they are good. They make me cry and my head pound..but the tears are worth remembering every little thing.

I first got a call yesterday afternoon..it was a library field trip day..and we had walked to the Laura Ingalls Wilder museum down the street from my house. It was hot..I had Eliahna on my back, and holding Obie's hand when my sister called my cell. I had to call her back once I got outside..and she was crying. They had removed Mom's feeding tube. Her body had shut down completely. So here I was..sitting outside this 100+ year old church..the same church Laura and Almonzo attended..weeping and praying. Fortunately..everyone else was in the building. My brother called me a few minutes later to make sure I knew. He said he didn't believe she'd last another week. I am glad for that though..I'm glad it was only a few hours..and not days and days. I'm assuming it was peaceful.

So now I have to move on in this grief thing..I don't even know how to do that but the Lord will lead me thru it..

Deleting the message...

Ever have a hard time deleting a message on your answering machine?

Normally it's not a problem..but my mom left me a message over a week ago. It's been on my machine since and I hadn't brought myself to delete it yet.

I listened to it one more time today..and before I had a chance to walk away..I pressed delete. I nearly started crying..but I knew I had to do it. I can't hang on to these things..

I will see her again someday..

I feel over whelmed with emotions today. Between not knowing how my mom is doing, and praying desperately for a little girl name Rachael Kligmann, as her life hangs in the balance...

The balance..between here and there.... because it's not just life..or death. It's here (where there's only death)..and there (where there's life if you belong to Jesus)

Update: Sweet little Rachael is with her Lord as of July 2nd, 2008. Lord, please ease their broken hearts and help them grieve well.

I Will Lift My Eyes..

http://search.playlist.com/tracks/I%20Will%20Lift%20My%20Eyes
Bebo Norman -

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear
And take my doubt

Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can’t climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let Mercy sing
Her melody over me
God, right here all I bring
Is all of me

‘Cause You are and You were and You will be forever
The Lover I need to save me
‘Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God
So hold me now
_________________